We’ve all been there. You leave the house after another fight with your significant other. You try to keep the fight out of your mind, but it hangs over your head, drawing your attention and emotional energy away from being present for the work tasks at hand. So, you do your best to compartmentalize, but your mind rebels, rehashing the conflict as soon as your concentration wavers.
You begin to feel envious of those who are still single. They’re free to do what they want, when they want. They have to answer to no one. Yet, at the same time, they go home to no one. And they too feel as if something is missing.
Each of these scenarios in its own way affects your demeanor, your mood, your focus, your ability to relate to others and, as a result, your bottom line.
The problem is that many people try to apply the same skills that made them successful in business to their relationships with their significant others. They relate to their partners with the same results-oriented, linear thinking with which they relate to their coworkers and clients. Yet, what worked all day in the office fails miserably at home.
That’s because intimate relationships are not about results, but about being present. Being present means being completely focused on the present moment; not rehashing the past, nor envisioning a future that hasn’t happened. Too often, especially when we perform routine tasks, our minds drift to things that have happened to us, problems we have yet to solve or worries about the future. All of these conspire to take us out of the present moment. Money problems are especially divisive in a relationship, and yet, money problems are really stories about the future — we get stuck in stories about what may happen in the future if we don’t have enough money. After all, when you think about it, right now at this present moment, we have everything we need — our bodies, our breath and for many of us, our loving partners.
As such, there is a way to return fun, sexiness and nurturing to your intimate relationships, which in return, will give you the energy and charisma you need to take your business to the next level.
As entrepreneurs, we spend our eight to 15 hours a day in our heads working on our businesses. Is it any wonder that we remain in our heads when we get home? But, in order to have the home life we desire, we must learn to switch from results-oriented thinking to just being, wholeheartedly.
There are many ways of practicing embodiment, of moving your awareness and being from your head to your body. I present here two practices, one you can do on your own, and one you can do with your partner.
On your own
1. Take a deep breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
2. Become a witness. Take note of where you are and what you are doing right now. Witness yourself, your actions and your thoughts.
3. Let the rest go. Do not attach to any one thought. Watch the thoughts come and go, letting them go as easily as they came.
4. Return to the breath. Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth.
With your partner
This second practice is something you can do with your partner as soon as you come home that will allow you to let go of your work day, connect more deeply into your own body and create greater intimacy with your partner.
1. Hold your partner either in a standing embrace or lying down spooning.
2. Synchronize your breathing by tuning into your partner’s breath. Inhale as she inhales, and exhale as she exhales. Slow down your synchronized breathing.
3. Focus on your long exhalations, allowing your body to relax and your mind to quiet more and more. The feeling of closeness and the holding of your partner’s body with yours will also help calm your nervous system.
4. Tune into your partner’s heartbeat, and feel the warmth of your skin against each other.
5. Notice when your mind chatter goes on and off and simply acknowledge it and refocus your attention to your own breath and that of your partner’s, feeling the rise and fall of the belly and the chest together.
The above only takes five minutes, will establish presence and completely reset your evening, creating a deeper sense of connection and intimacy between the two of you.
There are many other ways to get out of your head and bring more embodiment into your personal relationships. You may choose to begin a physical practice of yoga, Tai Chi, Qigong or some form of martial arts. YouTube is a great place to start.
Being single and still looking is all the more reason to develop an embodiment practice now. A person who is stuck in her head worrying, or trying to figure out what to say or do, is not attractive. There is a quiet charisma and magnetism that appears when you commit to being rooted in presence. It puts people at ease and creates more opportunities for connection, support and satisfaction.
And one thing feeds another. Just as stress in your personal relationships spills over into your business, the deeper sense of confidence you have when your home life is thriving feeds into all of your interactions, especially into your business. When your home life is nurturing, fun and sexy, you develop an expansive mindset in which you see solutions where previously you had only seen problems.
Further, presence at home spurs presence in business. Your interactions with others and yourself improves when you are rooted in the present, unattached to a particular outcome. Ironically, you may notice that, when you detach from an outcome, you get more of the outcomes that you desire.